Continuing with our space theme (and let’s face it…doesn’t the idea of heading into space to escape these surreal times sound tempting?)…Season two, episode 5 of the Netflix original “Lost in Space” features an intense situation: A young woman, Judy Robinson, is running to help save her father’s life. She needs to run 24.5 kilometers (15.22 miles) across the harsh desert terrain of the planet upon which she and her family crash-landed while they were en route to a new space colony. As she is running, she recalls words of wisdom her father taught her, including: “ACCEPT the unexpected”; “Assess your options”. Note that he did not say the oft-quoted phrase, “Expect the unexpected.” Rather, he conveyed a message about what is actually one of the most powerful therapeutic tools: Acceptance. To understand this concept, let’s think about how we typically respond to an unexpected, unwanted event. Common responses are, “No!”; “This is not happening!”; “I can’t even…” The usual instinctive reaction to adversity is to push it away, block it, or move away from it. Acceptance involves the opposite: Moving towards the discomfort, rather than moving away from it. Acceptance means we acknowledge what is happening, whether we like it or not, and whether we want it or not (and almost always, we don’t like or want it!). When we accept an experience (both internal and external), we come face to face with it and don’t deny that it is occurring. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we are “okay with it”, that we are giving up, or not trying to make a change. It just frees us up to stop struggling with the reality of what is happening and redirect our energy to coping. This is where “Assess your options” fits in. We can ask ourselves, “What can I do?” “What are my alternatives?” “What resources can I leverage?”
Practical Exercise: Life presents us with no shortage of opportunities to practice acceptance. As with the previous exercise, I suggest first practicing with the mundane, daily hassles of life. For example, when the grocery store is out of the main ingredient you planned for your menu and you don’t have time to go anywhere else, and then the cashier closes the checkout line just when you arrive. Then, you can work up to more challenging situations, like when a friend or family member doesn’t “show up” for you as you hoped, or there is a sudden change at work. More challenging yet are the sudden, devasting, experiences that shake our world. Practicing acceptance in the day-to-day moments can help us build resilience in the face of challenge.
One last note: For many individuals, the word “acceptance” just doesn’t work for them. Other words that might resonate are, “tolerating”; “making room for it”; and “co-existing.” The key is the concept, not the word itself, so I encourage you to use the language that fits for you.